My thoughts for the day

So i'm sitting thinking about how much my life has changed since i first moved out of my parents home back in 1997. The life that i had and how much it has made the person i am today and that even though i am not happy for the things that happend but i am. I hope that makes sense.

For those of you that read these and actually know me, knows the life that i have had. A life that i wouldn't wish upon anyone.

I remember the day i left my first husband i heard a song on the radio and i cried. I remember thinking dang that is my life why.... I felt dead inside, i wasn't the happy person i use to be, i didn't care about myself or anyone...

How Come, How Long

Stevie Wonder and Babyface

There was a girl I used to know

She was oh so beautiful

But she's not here anymore

She had a college degree

Smart as anyone could be

She had so much to live for

But she fell in love

With the wrong kinda man

He abused her love and treated her so bad

There was not enough education in her world

That could save the life of this little girl

How come, how long

It's not right, it's so wrong

Do we let it just go on

Turn our backs and carry on

Wake up, for it's too late

Right now, we can't wait

She won't have a second try

Open up your hearts

As well as your eyes

She tried to give a cry for help

She even blamed things on herself

But no one came to her aid

Nothing was wrong as far as we could tell

That's what we'd like to tell ourselves

But no, it wasn't that way

So she fell in love

With the wrong kinda man

And she paid with her life

For loving that man

So we cannot ignore,

We must look for the signs

And maybe next time we might savesomebody's life

How come, how longIt's not right, it's so wrong

Do we let it just go on

Turn our backs and carry on

Wake up, for it's too late

Right now, we can't wait

She won't have a second try

Open up your hearts

As well as your eyes

I on occasion met that guy

It's been a feeling deep inside

Some ... wasn't right

The way he proves himself a man

By beating his woman with his hands

Oh I wish that she'd seen the light

How can someone like that call himself a man

He's not a manSoon reality ...

And we cannot ignore

Whenever we see the signs'

Cause any kind of abuse

God knows, it's a crime

How come, how long

It's not right, it's so wrong

Do we let it just go on

Turn our backs and carry on

Wake up, for it's too late

Right now, we can't wait

She won't have a second try

Open up your hearts

As well as your eyes

How many times i wished someone would call 911, instead they told me that it wasn't their business and that i had to deal with it.

So ever since then i made a stand against domestic violence, and i refuse to watch another woman be a victim to it. However, you can't force anyone to leave the situation they just need help or maybe even a friend. Domestic violence is in all forms from sexual, to physical, to mental, to emotional and verbal. Don't allow anyone make you feel worthless or treat u in a way that is wrong.

How many times i wished that someone would have called 911

My baby turned 3 today...

So my precious Cheyanne turned 3 today... I can't believe she's 3 years old already. Not sure if i'm happy or sad lol... We didn't do much for her today. However, we took her out to eat and then we got a small cake for her. My parents gave her $50.00 ( i have to go buy her something and then i will stick the rest in her peggy bank) and then my inlaws bought her a book that you can write in. They have something else for her, but they went ahead and gave it to her today... We will be doing the big birthday bash on the 31st. So i am excited but sad... My other daughter is turning 1. I swear i just i had her. How time flies when your having fun lol....

My MRI was canceled, by Insurance won't approve it for some reason so they are having to contact my dr. etc... so who knows, but i know its something that needs to be done.

For those who want to know what a coccyx is its the bone right above your tailbone. Some women have issues with it after giving birth because it doesn't heal properly. Well, mine won't heal at all. I hear it rub together and it pops as well as burns so my doctor thinks there may be a fracture that can only be seen by a MRI.

Here's a website that tells you more about it
http://www.drugs.com/cg/coccyx-injury.html

My doctor Appointment

So i went to my OBGYN just because the last time i had a menstrual cycle was April or May of 2007. I had my daughter on Feb. 1 , 2008 and i breast feed for 7 months. So its been about 5 months and i figured since i'm not pregnant something isn't right with me. So anyways... I went in and told them and they informed me that i more then likely have Ovarian Cysts of some kind. So they drew alot of blood from me to run test. They also gave me pills to attempt to get my cycle started once again. However, if i can't get a menstrual cycle then i am not able to have more kids. My husband and i have 2 kids and wanted to try once more for a boy. But that may not be possible. All i can think is this is the second time in my life that i have been told i may not be able to have a baby. All i can ask is why God? But i have faith that we will fix me. Its just a scary thing.

So then they told me that my blood pressure was high. I asked her what it was and she told me it was 140/102 YIKES!!!! So then she told me i needed to see my family doctor on that... Because that 102 is a silent killer. And i knew that so i called my family doctor and got in that evening for that and also because coccyx has been hurting for about 6 months and no matter what my doctor does it doesn't get better.

So i went in to see my doctor and when he took my blood pressure it had went down. I dont' remember what it was to be honest... I know the bottom number was 90 something. So he told me for 2 weeks he wants me to check my blood pressure before he puts me on meds. But if the top number gets to 200 and the bottom number gets to 120 i need to come in that day no exceptions and that i am to tell them he said to get me in.

He also scheduled me a MRI for my coccyx to see if its fractured. Just because the extent and the length of the pain. So i am hoping that they can find something or do something to heal me. The pain is just unbareable.

Life as of today

So my daughter my precious daughter is finally walking. Its just a happy moment. My daughter who is fixing to be 3 started walking at 9 months so i though hey my second one would as well, but nope she started really walking at 11 months. Its ok though, she's her own person. She's just so precious and vocal. I mean vocal. LOL

So i have sat back and took a look at life and my marriage etc... I have realized that for the first 4 years of marriage it will be 4 years Wed. I have led a single life minus the cheating. I didn't talk to my husband about things finance wise and yet he did with me. Cause if he didn't i would get mad. I did what i wanted and he worked his butt off for me. So after long thoughts and prayers i realized that i am married to a really good man, and that alot of my issues was outside influence. My husband gives me the world and has never once told me NO. I am a stay at home mom and a student. I have never really thought of being a stay at home mom, but it was something we talked about and he felt like i should stay home and raise our children instead of a stranger at a day care. Since we can do it money wise, why work? So i agreed to do it. However, recently i have decided to look for a job, he's not happy about it, but i told him that i would work at a daycare so that way i'm there with the kids. So i have an interview Tuesday cross my fingers. I just need to get out. But he told me that i can always quit and if it puts pressure on us that i need to quit. So i agreed to that much. But back to the point, i have decided that i was going to make my marriage equal. 50/50 for the most part, but like my pastor said no marriage is 50/50 sometimes its 70/30 or 90/10 or sometimes its 100/0 just depends on the situation. Sometimes we have to give alittle more then the other because they are sick, or having a baby etc... I'm sure you guys get it.

Anyways, i'm off to mess with the kids and play with them... Thinking about going to the store just not sure yet...

I guess i can

I usually don't talk about myself because i don't like people i don't really know, knowing my business. But seeing how i don't feel like i can talk to my friends anymore for who knows why, we are to busy, they have their lives, i have mine or we just don't see eye to eye on things anymore i figured i might as well do it on here. That way you don't know me i don't know you and even if i get people on here that talk to me every day or better yet leaves comments who knows. So i will talk about me just a tiny bit.



I have 2 daughters who i adore more then life itself. My oldest will be 3 this month and my youngest will be 1 next month. I have been married for almost 4 years. Its had some good and bad moments.



I have a stepson who right now is going through some issues and at times i feel like i'm the only one who cares and the only one trying to do something about it. So i have decided that i quit. Its not only my job to handle the situation. He has a mother and a father who is capable of doing all the stuff that i do if they would just take the time. I told my husband that i understand his situation due to his job and etc... And he is greatful that i'm doing it for him, but at times i feel like why am i the only one making phone calls etc... So i am not doing so anymore. Its a hard thing to deal with, because i love him and yet i don't want him around my girls. I will get more into that later. So for you Christians out there i need lots of prayer for him.