Letter From God

My Child ~
You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1 I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2 I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3 Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31 For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27 In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28 For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28 I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5 I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12 You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16 I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26 You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14 I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13 And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6 I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44 I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16 And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1 Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1 I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11 For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48 Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17 For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33 My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11 Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3 thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18 And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17 I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40 For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5 I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41 And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3 If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29 Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4 For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13 I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20 For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18 As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11 One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4 And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4 I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23 For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26 He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3 He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31 And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10 I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32 If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23 And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39 Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7 I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15 My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13 I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad, Almighty God

Day 17 and 18

Well, i started working yesterday. It was nice to do, i got away from my kids and actually had adult converstation i forgot how much i missed that to be honest. It felt good.

I started my diet today. Won't say my weight until i lose all the weight i need to. So we will see what happens. I am hoping i lose the weight. My mother in-law lost weight doing it so we will see. I have faith lol... Kinda nervous cause nothing really works. or i lose motivation maybe thats it. I lose my want i don't know. Its also going to help that i'm working i'm not going to be sitting around munching on crap like i usually do. So cross my fingers.

I am also opening my eyes to people and the way the make me feel. I have also realize that some people really do bring out the worse in me. So i'm going to have to fix that.

I think thats it for the day..

14-16

So lets see i'm almost done with my 31 day challenge. Its been hard. But hey i truely haven't done everything i meant to do. I wanted to spend more time with my kids doing stuff, but its been raining so we could do that. So its upsetting....

I got a job with my church so i'm happy. It is part time but i get out of the house and i'm able to do stuff with other adults...

Day 11 -13

So lets see, its been really ugly outside these last couple of days. So my poor kids have been stuck in the house. Fixing to drive me crazy... Is it Sunday yet? LOL

My husband and i are still having some problems. But i don't know. Things take time to work out. We are going into counseling so we will see. But i have to brag... he bought me a beautiful ring. It has diamonds and an alexanderite. Its a rare stone. Here's some info on it:

Alexandrite has a distinguished and glamorous past: it was discovered in 1830 in Czarist Russia. Since the old Russian imperial colors are red and green it was named after Czar Alexander II on the occasion of his coming of age. Alexandrite can be found in jewels of the period as it was well loved by the Russian master jewelers. Master gemologist George Kunz of Tiffany was a fan of Alexandrite and the company produced many rings featuring fine Alexandrite in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century, including some set in platinum from the twenties. Some Victorian jewelry from England features sets of small alexandrites. Cats eye Alexandrites are extremely rare, and good quality color change stones command very high prices.

Alexandrite is also sometimes available as an unset stone but it is extremely rare in fine qualities. The original source in Russia's Ural Mountains has long since closed after producing for only a few decades and only a few stones can be found on the market today. Material with a certificate of Russian origin is still particularly valued by the trade. Some Alexandrite is found in Sri Lanka and Zimbabwe and Brazil but very little shows a dramatic color change. For many years, Alexandrite was almost impossible to find because there was so little available. Then in 1987, a new find of Alexandrite was made in Brazil at a locality called Hematita. The Hematita Alexandrite shows a striking and attractive color change from raspberry red to bluish green. Although Alexandrite remains extremely rare and expensive, the production of a limited amount of new material means a new generation of jewelers and collectors have been exposed to this beautiful gemstone, creating an upsurge in popularity and demand.

When evaluating Alexandrite, pay the most attention to the color change: the more dramatic and complete the shift from red to green, without the bleeding through of brown from one color to the next, the more rare and valuable the stone. The other important value factors are the attractiveness of the two colors - the more intense the better - the clarity, and the cutting quality. Because of the rarity of this gemstone, large sizes command very high premiums. Stones that show only a minor change in color may be called a color change Chrysoberyl, but these are not truly Alexandrite. Alexandrite is an expensive and rare gemstone. Prices of $2000 to $3000 per carat for stones less than a carat are not uncommon. As noted the price directly reflects the intensity of the color change and the desirability of the colors that are present.

Day 5 through 10

So, its been hard, but i have gotten out, i went to church and i also took my kids to the park so they could play. I can't make them suffer right? But i haven't really done much for me. My house is clean, for the most part, just lost motivation to continue cleaning it.

Well, i have had time to think about me and my wants, and i have realized that my wants are not what they were 3 years ago or even 4 years ago. I use to not care about much, but growing closer to the Lord has made me realized that i just want to worship Him and do right by him. No, i'm not perfect and i sin i did today. I have bad thoughts we will get to that in a few. But i now that i have grown as a person, and that i want to be loved and respected. I want to love and be respected as well.

So i have been smoke free since April 2005 with the exception of when Cheyanne was almost 2 or right before i got pregnant with Kaylie i smoked and i spent the night over the toilet. So i realized that smoking is not for me anymore. Plus after researching it and seeing the harm it does to my kids rather i smoke around them or not, its on my clothes and wow it hurts them. So i decided NO i care more about their health then my wants. So i stopped. However, my husband who promised me that he would quit has not. So now he's not only smoking cigs he smoking cigars. And when i figured it out all i could think is man i just wish he would die already. I hate that... I don't want to deal with the diseases that are associated with it. I watched his grandfather die of smoking and the pain it caused everyone. I don't want to deal with it. He was 75 years old and lived a long time suffering. So even though i don't want my husband to die, sometimes i wish he would realize it. I though for sure watching his grandpa die from it would open his eyes, but did it no he starts smoking more stuff. I don't want to deal with it, but i know that is not grounds for divorce, but truthfully i want out because of it. I don't want to be in a situation 10 years from now, where he is with emphysema or cancer because of his own ignorance. I know i sound heartless, but i'm 30 years old and i don't want to be 50 and then single because of it, and i don't want to sit up at nights watching him die a slow death. I am thinking i really need to start praying more.

Anyways, thats it for the day.

Day 4 & 5

So yesterday wasn't to bad, we had people here putting in central heat and air. So that was fun. Afterwards my husband took the family out to eat dinner. We went to Mamacita's best fajitas ever. Then came home. Didn't go to church because their was a crew here, but i'm sure they will understand as well as God.

I also went on an interview with my church to work for them part time. Cross my fingers that i get that position. Nothing major and not enough to pay my bills, mainly just time with other adults and to just get away from the house.

So today they finished up the a/c and didn't do everything they needed so now they have to come back out tomorrow to do that and it has to be before the inspector comes or we will be red tagged which will suck. But my a/c is up and ready to go.

Donnie took a half day today because he has to sheet rock a hole (big) in the ceiling so that we can use our ac and we won't be running it for nothing. I can't wait to be honest. I'm soo excited. He told me last night that this is the first time in his life that he has had central heat and air and if it wasn't for me he probably never would so he thanks me for that. Made me feel good. He said that even though we are not rich i'm making major improvements in the house and that prior to me he would never spend the money to do so. From the stove to just the paint on the wall. So i feel good about that.

So day i broke a water line. So i now have NO water and it sucks. I had to call Donnie at work and tell him that i broke a water line. He didn't sound mad, but i'm sure he is and he will more then likely tell me when he's home. But i will cry and he won't lol. Gosh, its good to be a girl sometimes... It just sucks i have no WATER.... But he's going to get off in 30 minutes so i will be ok i hope.

Day 2 and 3

Well, i didn't blog yesterday. Got to busy, so i will do it today. Yesterday was good, i kept busy cleaning so that took most of it up. However, being how i'm not use to being home all the time my girls drove me crazy. I think its because i'm cleaning and tired. They for whatever reason have been waking up at 5am. Its driving me insane lol... Why are they getting up so early?

Today i actually did get out i had a doctors appointment, so that was a nice break from the kids... Then came home and realized i'm bored, so i started cleaning again... It helped some that my husband was home so i had adult conversation...

Tomorrow i have an interview with my church to try and get a job there in their daycare dept. So i will get out for that. Cross my fingers. Well i will be back tomorrow.

Day 2 and 3

Well, i didn't blog yesterday. Got to busy, so i will do it today. Yesterday was good, i kept busy cleaning so that took most of it up. However, being how i'm not use to being home all the time my girls drove me crazy. I think its because i'm cleaning and tired. They for whatever reason have been waking up at 5am. Its driving me insane lol... Why are they getting up so early?

Today i actually did get out i had a doctors appointment, so that was a nice break from the kids... Then came home and realized i'm bored, so i started cleaning again... It helped some that my husband was home so i had adult conversation...

Tomorrow i have an interview with my church to try and get a job there in their daycare dept. So i will get out for that. Cross my fingers. Well i will be back tomorrow.

Day 1

So today is day 1 of me staying home. It was ok, however, i did go to church and for the first time i came straight home. I was proud of myself. I have been cleaning my house though. Its starting to look really good.

However, through all of this i will find out who my friends are. I have realized that some people that i thought would be turned really shady when realizing that i meant what i said. So you know, to each their own. I am doing this for me, and if my "friends" are no longer around then obviously i didn't need them anyways.

But today was easy.