I feel like i'm being targeted

Why do i feel like everyone is coming after me? From work to my personal life....I swear sometimes i feel like i don't do anything right at all. Yes, sometimes i am too outspoken, but thats just me, i have never really held anything back, but sometimes i keep to myself and people think i'm upset or something is wrong with me. I feel like everything i do people are just waiting for me to make a mistake. I don't get it.

I have a hard time trusting people and lately i have really had a hard time trusting anyone. Its sad, but true. I feel like people are constantly gossiping or looking for stuff to say hey look what she did. I often feel like i'm in elementary school and i'm not. I really don't get it.

When it comes to my job, i have come to the conclusion that i'm not going to talk to anyone, unless its work related and thats the basic. It is like i say one thing and it goes around to i said something else. So i feel like its best to keep quiet and do what i have to do. I love the kids i work with and so that makes it a plus, but i can't handle people making things out of nothing rather on here, or on facebook, especially when it has nothing to do with work... I did delete a bunch of people that i work with off my facebook page but i did keep a few people on there. Its just a matter of time before i fully get rid of facebook....I feel like God has me there for a reason, i'm just not sure what it is yet...

The Truth

So i have been sitting here, and just thinking about why i started blogging, and i realized its like therapy to write whats on my mind. Rather anyone reads them or not, it feels good to just let it out. And i am not afraid to write about anything from God to family, to friends to work. Its very therapeutic. But then again some people may find my blogs to be upsetting or they may not agree with how i feel, either way its my feelings and thoughts and if you have something you would like to ad feel free and if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.

So anyways, i have sat here and started to realize that people don't like to hear the truth about themselves and they get upset when its told. I'm not going to name any names or get into details about anything, but i find it funny. Just like when i get emails or phone calls and they ask me are you talking about me, if you have to ask that then i probably am talking about you, and if not then obviously your doing something to make you think about what i wrote and your thinking its you.

Also i don't think alot of people take friendship they way they once did. I find it funny how one day your friends then the next they write you off, until they feel like talking to you. To me thats not friendship. I think that when you have friends it should be 50/50 and sometimes its alittle more give and a little less take and visa versa... But when someone is the one doing most of it all i don't see how they can say its a true friendship. I may be wrong, i do however get that some of us work, or have families, or whatever, but thats not an excuse to ignore and not talk to someone and use that as an excuse, yes i use i'm busy or i have been working as an excuse, and sitting back i realize its an excuse because i'm tired or i just don't feel like being a friend at the moment, yes there are times i'm at work, but i have time to meet up with people, but i don't. I'm missing some of my old friends that i use to meet up with. I need to get back into the hang of it. But anyways, i have decided that its time to step back and stop being the one to give and give and give and really not get anything in return. Not even a phone call or an email nothing. So i have to give my all , all the time and my "friends" can't do anything, then its time to cut the ties... Its sad, but hey what am i suppose to do. So if anyone starts disappearing from my page on facebook or i flat out stop calling or texting you know why...

Sorry if i seem like i'm being mean or rude, but its the truth and this is how i feel.

The real meaning of Thanksgiving

I found this to be interesting so i figured i would post it:

There are many myths and misconceptions surrounding the people responsible for the American Thanksgiving tradition. Contrary to popular opinion, the Pilgrims didn't wear buckles on their shoes or hats. They weren't teetotalers, either. They smoked tobacco and drank beer. And, most importantly, their first harvest festival and subsequent "thanksgivings" weren't held to thank the local natives for saving their lives.
Do you know there are public schools in America today actually teaching that? Some textbooks, in their discomfort with open discussions of Christianity, say as much. I dare suggest most parents
today know little more about this history than their children.
Yet, there is no way to divorce the spiritual from the celebration of Thanksgiving – at least not the way the Pilgrims envisioned it, a tradition dating back to the ancient Hebrews and their feasts of Succoth and Passover.
The Pilgrims came to America for one reason – to form a separate community in which they could worship God as they saw fit. They had fled England because King James I was persecuting those who did not recognize the Church of England's absolute civil and spiritual authority.
On the two-month journey of 1620, William Bradford and the other elders wrote an extraordinary charter – the Mayflower Compact. Why was it extraordinary? Because it established just and equal laws for all members of their new community – believers and non-believers alike. Where did they get such revolutionary ideas? From the Bible, of course.
When the Pilgrims landed in the New World, they found a cold, rocky, barren, desolate wilderness. There were no friends to greet them, Bradford wrote. No houses to shelter them. No inns where they could refresh themselves. During the first winter, half the Pilgrims died of sickness or exposure – including Bradford's wife. Though life improved for the Pilgrims when spring came, they did not really prosper. Why? Once again, the textbooks don't tell the story, but Bradford's own journal does. The reason they didn't succeed initially is because they were practicing an early form of socialism.
The original contract the Pilgrims had with their merchant-sponsors in London called for everything they produced to go into a common store. Each member of the community was entitled to one common share. All of the land they cleared and the houses they built belonged to the community. Bradford, as governor, recognized the inherent problem with this collectivist system.
"The experience that was had in this common course and condition, tried sundry years ... that by taking away property, and bringing community into common wealth, would make them happy and flourishing – as if they were wiser than God," Bradford wrote. "For this community [so far as it was] was found to breed much confusion and discontent, and retard much employment that would have been to their benefit and comfort. For young men that were most able and fit for labor and service did repine that they should spend their time and strength to work for other men's wives and children without any recompense ... that was thought injustice."
What a surprise! Even back then people did not want to work without incentive. Bradford decided to assign a plot of land to each family to work and manage, thus turning loose the power of free enterprise. What was the result?
"This had very good success," wrote Bradford, "for it made all hands industrious, so as much more corn was planted than otherwise would have been."
As a result, the Pilgrims soon found they had more food than they could eat themselves. They set up trading posts and exchanged goods with the Indians. The profits allowed them to pay off their debts to the merchants in London much faster than expected. The success of the Plymouth colony thus attracted more Europeans and set off what we call the "Great Puritan Migration."
But it wasn't just an economic system that allowed the Pilgrims to prosper. It was their devotion to God and His laws. And that's what Thanksgiving is really all about. The Pilgrims recognized that everything we have is a gift from God – even our sorrows. Their Thanksgiving tradition was established to honor God and thank Him for His blessings and His grace.
Today we continue that tradition in my home – and I hope in yours. God bless you, God bless America, and Happy Thanksgiving.

By Joseph Farah

My day

So today was an ok day. Kaylie is sick which is terrible for me, but what can i do. She's been acting really strange today. I know something is wrong when she doesn't want to sleep alone and wants someone to sleep with her. She's not a cuddler persay. I just hope she gets better soon. I have to try to sneak Cheyanne out of the house to go to work tomorrow.

I made homemade chicken noodle soup. To my surprise it came out really good. First time i made it all from scratch the way i did. I am impressed.

Lets see... About my post the other day on Christian, after talking to my dad we came to the conclusion that while he's in our care he will wear a diaper everywhere we go from the moment he comes to my house. Still no taking him to Oklahoma with me. I am alittle disappointed with his mom for not sticking with the plan and then compromising with him. He called her bluff and won. But she has to do what she feels is best for them. I don't think any less of her for not following through, just sorta wish she would have. Yes, i spoke to her about it and heard what she said and i get her reason for it, but he said he wasn't wearing it to school and he didn't. So i don't really know.... I do feel better however, that he's not just doing it at my house, even though thats bad to say. I know its not us if that makes any sense at all.

I am starting to question who i can trust and who i can't trust as well. Not going to get into a lot of detail about it, but just unsure about it.

Yesterday, donnie and i went out on a date night. Long needed. It was nice, we went to Chuy's (i so know i'm spelling that wrong) and then went to the movies and saw Law Abiding Citizens. It was actually a really good movie. I was impressed. But i did tell him that i wanted to go see the new Sandra Bullock movie...Can't remember what its called, but i adore her so i want to see it. But it was nice going out with him and just me.

Lets see that really all i have to say tonight. Fixing to go to bed, have to get up and go to work in the morning...

I quit

I really don't understand why... I sit here and i'm upset, no to be honest i'm actually mad. I have 3 kids and out of the 3 two are biologically mine and the other one is my stepson. I try to love him, and i try to treat him the same as my girls. I do things for him, i buy him things, i take care of him, i tell him i love him and that i would do anything, but yet, he's sooo disrespectful, and just flat out does not care at all. I don't understand. He's almost 8 years old and he still pees in the bed, and he still pees on himself and poops on himself while he's awake and he doesn't care. I don't get it. What am i to do? I just don't know. I can't handle it anymore. I have told my husband that i won't do it. I know it kills my husband, but what else is there to do. I pray and pray for guidance and i get be patient, so i do, but it does nothing. He chokes my daughter, he hits her, and she cries and tells, and he doesn't care. I'm open to suggestions. I have done time out, i have done taking things away, i have even spanked, but nothing works with him. I have talked to him, his father has talked to him and nothing. When i asked him do you do this at your moms house he tells me yes. The bad part is its rubbing off on my girls, and i can't deal with it. I didn't ever expect for my life to be this way, especially when it came to kids. I can honestly say this is why i NEVER wanted to marry someone with kids. My kids are too young to understand whats really going on. However, Chey is getting to the age where she is learning and knows right from wrong, but she doesn't get why her brother gets away with it when he's with his mom and she doesn't. I try to explain to her that i'm not his mom and i expect more from her, but she doesn't get it and so i don't really know how to explain it to her. I just wish i could figure it out myself.

I don't understand some people

Let me first say that since Sheri (my ex boss) left things haven't been the same. I really do miss her, i thought at first that i would miss her maybe in a month, but no, it just now hit a week and i missed her on day one. Things are so different, I adore Janice and she's still the same so its not her either. She still makes me laugh so thats the plus to my job, at least we have one still.

So anyways, i really think that some people shouldn't work in childcare at ALL. Its sad that when we have a fire drill and the young ones i mean under the age of 2 are confused and scared some don't seem to understand that. You have to make them understand that they are safe and that its going to be ok. Not just ignore the fact that they are screaming on the top of their lungs paniced about whats happening. A fire alarm and all the things that go with it can traumatize a child if not handled properly. Its sad, that some people are more concerned with a runny nose and the color of it, then trying to calm the child down. Seriously worry about the nose later. And then to worry about name tags, before you want to start on what we should have done or shouldn't do, maybe they should allow the teachers to calm their kids down and then come back later. We as teachers are already stressed out especially when our kids are crying and then to have someone come in and start lecturing on what we need to do or didn't do. Some people really need to think. I know if Sheri was there it would have maintained alot calmer.

Besides all that my day went fairly good. Not alot of complaints except for that.

My thoughts for today

So today was a day of bad, but yet good. Work was ok there for awhile, but some people have no clue how to talk to people. I think that if people understood that coming off as rude and mean doesn't make people listen to you, it actually makes them shut you out. But then again, some people have no clue and so all you can do is excuse their poor attitude.

I have also realized that my kids have tested me in so many ways. I love them more then life itself, but at times they can really try me. Especially Chey, i don't understand why she is soo mean to KK, i don't get it. I am working on the behavior of her and her sister, but its been hard. I often wonder what i could have done differently and then maybe things would be better. Some people know about Cheyanne's past and i'm wondering if this is why she's soo mean to KK and if thats why she just shuts herself down when she doesn't like what is being said to her or she reacts by hitting. I don't know.

As far as my faith goes, i have sorta slipped into a pit, and can't get out of it. It seems like my life is falling apart in some aspects, and i am blaming the wrong people. I haven't talked to God about it in awhile, though i talk to him, its about others and not me. I need to come back to the road that i was walking at one point where i leaned on God for everything. At that point life seemed soo easy and everything sorta just fell into place, but lately its like its going in every direction but where it should. So i need to take sometime out and just fall down and pray for help and guidance and get myself motivated to go to Bible study and church. I have just not been sooo motivated. We will see what happens.